Wake Me Up

Music warped my world today. Defined my day and turned it into something unexpected. It feels good to spend some time to myself though. To dance to my own beat. To a song, all my own.

The center of the universe, 

it just became my heart;

You were there,

and I was scared,

that it might all fall apart.

If my whole world moved like the wind,

Its flow could heal my wounds;

But when it all flows like water,

our song will drown out too.

I hold the earth in my paw,

before it's trampled, lost;

Toss it to the wind,

to heal us with the frost.

I spin atop the mountains,

to feel the life below;

Set fire to our lives, 

don't ever let me go.

Handstands through the rain,

a laugh defies the same;

Raindrops falling closely,

laughter is our name.

85 days.

Day 40: Making Progress

I am in complete shock that 40 days have passed. 

I finally feel like I am the person I want to be at the core. Who I was is not who I am or who I am going to be. I am making plans for my future in a way that makes me feel whole and confident.

Maybe this blog was more about keeping me busy than anything else, I don't really know. But, I am here still writing. There must be a reason for a least that.

I was lucky enough to spend 6 nights in Virgina with Cameron for the Marine Corps Birthday Ball. Being able to go and visit was a huge bucket of awesome, and I pretty much think he is super amazing for flying me out. I had a wonderful time there.

Sooo Only 

99 Days 21 hours 22 mins and 45 seconds

Day 22: Keeping Busy

Wow! More than three weeks have passed, and I can't believe it. Keeping busy and positive have so far been my key to life. Cameron is very busy, but he always takes time out of his day to give me a call.

Living in two separate worlds is different, but I think it teaches you a lot about each other, and about yourself... and that is AWESOME.

117 Days 1 hour 54 minutes & 40 seconds. 

3 weeks down 17 to go

Day 17: Things Are Getting Weird

I have had the last 2 days off work. It felt good to get a little rest, although I am not scheduled to work again, at all. So we will see how things go. 

The two week marker past this last weekend and I was so busy with 24 carrots that I didn't even notice.

Today though... I feel whole. Stronger than ever- like I can take on the world. Friday I get to see Kaden. Like most of you know I have been missing him like crazy and can't wait to take him to Phoenix with us this weekend!! We are going with my whole family to see my Dad's side of the family. I have not seen my Omi and Opa in several years and so it should be a good weekend.

I have only talked to Cameron for a few minutes over the last two days. He seems to be doing well, but he can not talk about his military education out there in Virginia. Today he told me too keep a look out for strange people asking strange questions. Why, I ask? Well, he is not able to disclose that information. So here I am. Expecting to be bombarded by a stranger. All I know is what I am told. So all I can do is what is asked of me.

I am looking forward to the Comforts being over next week. I am sure Ali and I will have a ton of fun.

122 days 0hours 23 minutes and 20 seconds.

2ish weeks down.... 18ish weeks to go.

Day 13: I've Finally Lost It

Alright, I have not actually lost it. Not for good anyway. It is just that I rarely loose it. 


I do my best to avoid deviating from my happy middle ground into the land of emotional highs and lows.


Today though, I lost it for all of 3 minutes. I was so pissed at a 24 Carrotts event tonight. This is apparently a place where you get into trouble for working to hard, and sent home for being new. After everything else today, I had about enough.


This is when I wish I could go home, watch a movie with Cameron and forget my day.


Oh Well.


I am tired, sore, and have given myself a headache. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.






125 Days 22 hours 50 mins and 22 seconds 

Day 10: WoooHoooo

Today I feel like I weigh about 6 pounds. Relieved and excited about days and weeks to come:D
I am starting to finally feel like things are looking up! I got two call backs today about potential employment. I have three shifts with 24carrots this week. I get to see Cameron the first week of November the birthday ball... in Virginia. Win. Just Win.


Tomorrow.. I get to see one of my favorite girls, Monika Oess, and wonderful Little O.   

Day 8: Smiling a Lil'Bit

     Wednesday...Thursday...Friday, all run together into this disgusting hairball I call the end of my week. My job hunt, for the most part, has been unsuccessful. I spend all day sending in resumes online, turning in applications in person, and calling to harass poor store and/or business managers until they agree to meet with me. It is the chaos I share with thousands of desperate unemployed Americans.
     Friday evening Birkby, Parham, and I drove up to Orange County for my friend Tasha's birthday event at Dave & Busters. Other than her constant need to puke, due to the fact that it was her 21st birthday, the night was a good time. I was happy to see several familiar faces. 
     Saturday was an epic win. I ended up picking up a shift at 24carrots due to their desperate need for people on this day... and wowed all the right people. So although this means they will want me to work their events, they are an Orange County based company... and this doesn't really help me out in the grand scheme of job hunting.
     Today we all came back down to Oceanside and spent a proper day of rest... resting :D. I have been able to spend awesome time talking to Cameron this weekend since he doesn't have classes, and I am feeling pretty good about the whole situation. 


1 week down. 19 more weeks to go.


or 


131 days 1 hour 40 mins and 6 seconds until Cameron lands at the San Diego Airport.

Day 5: Staring at the Wall

Alright, I am not really staring at the wall. Today has actually been fairly productive. I have been looking for a job! Although, I still have yet to find a good one...

It is weird being in a place where I don't know a ton people. I can not just call up Sallie May and ask her to scoot on over for movie night. Oh well, tough luck. I will learn to make the best of life here in Oceanside. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

135 days 3 hours and 50 minutes.

Day 4: Truly Exhausted

Today Monika and Kevin had their beautiful and amazing baby boy, Jacob Lee Bradford Oess. I spent a crazy amazing 12 hours with them throughout part of Monika's labor and delivery. Watching one of your great friends give birth to a child is a true miracle. 
Jacob was quite a wonderful distraction today. I hope to see that wonderful boy again soon : D


136 days 0 hours 20 minutes. 

Day 3: Wishing Things Were Different.

Every second that clicks away on the clock feels like the slow turn of molasses. I am sitting alone at my parents kitchen table wishing to be everywhere but here. I want to go home. Although, home doesn't really feel like it used to either. Today I am like The Little Prince (http://books.google.com/books?id=vlr0uqedlWcC&dq=the+little+prince&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=LZ7KSoK1GJSCsgO9jKSiBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4#v=onepage&q=&f=false) on a planet all my own.

Cameron is not allowed to talk about school. He can not tell me what it is he does everyday. Thats alright though, it is best that he does as he is told. It just makes for some boring conversation at the end of the day.

It has also been several weeks since I have seen my son, Kaden. He goes to school all week and has soccer on Saturdays. Beyond that he is so far away and my car can not make the drive. It makes me very sad that I do not get to see him every day after school anymore. I miss him very much.

My job hunt is going terribly. I want everything to run a little smoother. Perhaps today is just a pessimistic one for me today. Higher hopes for tomorrow.

137 days 3 hours and 55 minutes to go.

Day 2: Never Making a Dent.

Today I woke up to an awesome goofy photo of Cameron via text message. I am sure this is what made for a good start.

I then went to church with the Oessi (Kevin and Monika Oess). I have not been to service in several months and have not been a regular church goer in several years. I am always apprehensive going into a new because I never know what to expect.... and have occasionally found some craziness. I had a few motives for going to church as well (beyond the norm). I want to stay busy in positive environments while Cameron is away, and any day with an Oess, makes for a good day and church is where they were at.

When we got out of church I realized that I had locked me keys in my car. I have no idea why, but this is something I do ALL the time. I promised Cameron today that I would make a spare key and leave it at the apartment. I will have to work on that this week. The sooner the better. After all that was settled the Oessi and I went to the Oceanside Harbor to find some grub. Kevin grew up on a boat in the harbor, so he always knows the best places to go.

The apartment is a mess, and it has been a mess since the packing fiasco started up on Thursday. Although, I have been working to get things put away and in order since yesterday... it doesn't seem to have made any difference at all.

I did get to talk to Cameron for an hour tonight. His Classes don't start until tomorrow, so he had a bit a free time today. Once his classes start, he will be without a phone all day everyday.

So far so good.

38 days 1 hour 24 minutes 20 seconds until Cameron gets home from the school.

Day 1: Learning to Cope

I am starting this blog for several reasons. First of all, I like to write. I am not an awesome writer, but it is something I like to do. Secondly, I think that a lot of people don't understand what it is like to be a military counterpart. Thirdly, I am learning cope. So that being said, here we go.

For those of you who don't know my "military counterpart" is Cameron, my boyfriend. I am going to backtrack a few days so with this whole "blog" to catch everyone up.

On Wednesday I was In Arizona visiting family when I received a phone call from Cameron. His words to me were that he could not pick me up from the airport. Well, this, in that moment, was not a big deal. My thought was "oh well, he probably has to work". Until I caught up with his next sentence- I am leaving for the school.

Quick note: for those of you who don't understand "the school" when referring to the Marine Corps, a Marine is talking about his or her initial training for their specific job. Although Cameron has been in the Marine Corps for several years now, he has recently reenlisted and changed his job so therefore must attend a new school.

So Cameron tells me that he is leaving for the school in Virginia on Saturday... three days away. All I can say is that I was SHOCKED! This is one thing I hate about the military, nothing is set in stone, and when things change... they change fast. The first thing I did after this phone call was find a flight home. I was home about 4 hours later.

The next two days were chaos. Cameron needed to pack, decide what to do about his apartment, his roommate, his stuff. Just chaos. The packing and the paperwork were all in order by Friday night. His apartment and his roommate are now my apartment, and my roommate. His furniture and his stuff? Well, I am sure I will get it all in order eventually.

So came 3:45 Saturday morning... Parham (the roommate), Cameron, and I headed to the airport. At 5:30am Parham and I drove away from the San Diego Airport Cameronless and so began my adventure.